1. I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him
back.
2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child
lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was
important to you also.
3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish
you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is
the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have
allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
4. I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his
pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.
5. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't
shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
6. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but, I also
want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I
wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the
day.
7. I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that
my child's death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know those
things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months.
These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could
understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death
of my child until the day I die.
9. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could
understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my
child, and I will always grieve that he is dead.
10. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be
happy." Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate
yourself.
11. I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let
me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
12. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is
miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please
be as patient with me as I am with you.
13. When I say "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I
don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
14. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are
very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming
sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet
and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
15. Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice.
However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you
could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
16. Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent.
Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off.
When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to
spend time alone.
17. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child
died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was
before my child died, and I will never be that person again.
18. I wish very much that you could understand; understand my loss
and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT I
pray daily that you will never understand.
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